A promise is a promise...

So, I last left off feeling rather tired and unable to get to making a blog post last Wednesday. Shameful of me I know. But now I'm back with energy and am ready to make a post today. And I did promise to write about something special, so here goes. Today's post is about:

Me!

Not very special I know, but I've written a blog about the self and yet I have written nothing about me. Ironic, no? Well, here goes nothing.

In order to properly look at me as a whole, you first have to look at my daily life. What better example than this:

Finally get a use for this picture.

Sounds like your typical student lifestyle, huh? Well, I'm obviously not a normal student if you actually know of me in real life, but for those who don't, let's look a little deeper shall we?

I spend most of my free time being alone, mostly because I really don't know too many people. It's not that I don't have a friend, it's that I really don't fit into common society. An outsider if you will. Now, I know that there are other people out there who are like me, but when you live without communicating with the outside world, you tend to live an isolated lifestyle in which you spend your weekends at home alone doing laundry or working on homework. 

I don't know why I do the things I do, and it really makes me self aware because I know that no matter where I go in life, I honestly have never felt like I belonged anywhere. I never really did fit in with anyone growing up and the constant moving around didn't help either. My childhood was mostly spent home alone since my Mom had to work to raise three boys by herself and my brothers were off doing whatever it was big brothers do at the time. So I was always left to my own devices, where I tried to make up some sort of plan, only to have it go up in smoke.

Much like Homer's culinary skills.

And when it came time for me to become aware of me self identity, I couldn't really find anything that made me stand out and be unique. I was just there somehow. I can't really explain it now as an adult even after many years of therapy or soul searching, I still come up empty. And it really does drive me nuts that I cannot truly identify with anyone or anything. 

I simply am nothing to begin with.

No amount of honeyed words can make me change my thoughts. I don't like pity because it doesn't really help out those in need. It just makes the other person feel superior because they can pretend to help the weak and helpless without actually doing anything. I am a bit jaded, I admit that much at least, but so was Mark Twain.

"The more I know about people, the more I like my dog."

I'm starting to lose focus now, so I should stop and regain my focus. I'll come back on Wednesday, but for now, I need to think some more.